My darling brothers and sisters,
You may have noticed our friendship swaying violently like a wee boat on choppy seas, we have had to work hard to keep our friendship afloat, to keep moving forward. Many were the times when you, out of despair (though with good intentions) exclaimed, "You are too SENSITIVE! You are way too SOFT, way too INTENSE! You go way OVERBOARD and you're way too EMOTIONAL!". Aye, there were times when I went home and cried myself to sleep, after hearing these accusations which at the time I thought were personal abnormalities. I HATED myself for being what I was. I wanted to end it all, I wanted out, I wanted to be "Normal". There were times where I knew I was all of this even without you having to say it all out with such exasperation. However, I'm writing this letter in order to bring tidings of great joy! I have through trial and error, through research, through soul-searching and a lot of help from my religion, managed to acquire a great deal of knowledge about what it means to be HSP, what it means to be the last bastion of hope in a cynical world. I am thrilled to be able to share this new information with you, because I believe it will help us in understanding each other better and help our friendship flourish like a palm tree.
Well, let me start by stating the obvious - I'm a highly sensitive person. What does this mean? For starters, I have a nervous system that is genetically designed to be overly sensitive than most of the general public. Make no mistake though, human beings are sensitive species, but the HSP trait goes the extra mile, so to speak. According to many reliable sources, this trait is experienced by around 20% of the population, which is in fact a huge proportion of human beings. However, having said that, it's all about how intensely sensitive can a HSP get? Being HSP, I am affected by everything that is happening around me and I mean literally everything. It could even be as trite or trivial as a slight change in wind patterns! Being HSP opens a world of kaleidoscopic possibilities, in the sense that, I'm adversely affected by any sort of violence, from physical sports to action movies. Merely seeing another human being suffering from the pangs of physical or mental pain is enough to break me down. More often than not, I was my worst critic, I kept judging myself, I wanted to change, I wanted to stamp out my sensitivity. Most of you lovely souls who are not HSP can put a lid on your sensitivity, but the more I tried to do it, the more exhausted and weary I became. After a while I learned that rather than trying to get rid of my many gifts as a HSP, I should instead learn to harness these energies that are embodied within me for the greater good.
I happen to live in a society wherein sensitivity is regarded as another synonym for weakness. I understand that and I have to respect that. I cannot afford to live in a bubble my whole life, shun the outside world and wallow in self-pity. In an ideal world, I would have been extremely happy if everybody used their sensitivity effectively so as to accept all character types, but the world does not work that way. I would have definitely have loved to live in a world where there was a general awareness of how the HSP psyche truly operates and not see it as a negative trait. In fact, we do have the resources, but merely lack the drive. Therefore, I am trying to use my sensitivity for the betterment of the society I'm living in, rather than feel sorry for myself. I'm trying to augment my inner strength and I'm attempting to break down all the data that my body is receiving into smaller packets, so that I can be more adept attaining a personal sense of fulfillment. As I've mentioned before, I'm in essence, open to all the elements and I take them all in, I can't help it, I have no choice in the matter. Thereby, I need time to settle down, I find it difficult to adapt to a situation instantaneously, I find it difficult to just go with the flow. I'm way too sensitive for that; yes, I admit that I do get frustrated with myself when that happens, but I just need time to operate well, and given sufficient time, I honestly do operate really well. Through experience and research, I learned that this is in fact an extremely beautiful trait of being a HSP, wherein it helps me to create a loving and caring environment for my friends and loved ones, if only I am accepted.
My darlings, let me just take a few more moments of your valuable time to explain a bit more comprehensively on some of the matters that most non-HSPs need to know about having a HSP for a friend -
We HSPs are highly emotional. We find this quite confusing too at times, because we may be picking up on your emotions and feelings and mistaking it for one of our own! I may withdraw into my shell and want to be left alone. Please do not misunderstand me when I do though, it is just that I'm overwhelmed and I just need some rest. Communication is a key element wherein I fail as a HSP. Do please feel free to inquire as to whether I'm feeling overwhelmed and I will answer in the affirmative, this will help both of us understand each other more deeply. There may also be times where I would want to talk about what I am going through, but do understand that I do not do well in pressure situations where I am forced to speak of my feelings. Generally, we HSPs love to be hugged and this is a sure-fire way to get a HSP to feel more comfortable and at home!
We HSPs are adversely affected by violence (be it real or fake), disturbing images, loud music and chaotic environments far more than non-HSPs. This is something that can not be changed or modified or lessened. If I happen to see or hear any of the above or related, I will take time to heal and I hope you will support me by being loving and considerate and giving me the space I require to compose myself.
We HSPs are easily overwhelmed and startled. As I explained earlier, we are open to the elements. I am affected by strong lights, loud music, objects moving in high frequencies, smells, sudden changes in the weather and so forth. You may find all this rather trivial and banal, but they affect me in a way that can never be comprehended by a non-HSP. Therefore, I shall let you know in case we need to change our surroundings and I would also appreciate if you would ask me if I'm comfortable, because frankly speaking, we HSPs do tend to give out invisible signs of discomfort, even without us being aware of it! Please do not startle me even in jest, because a HSP does not fare well in such situations. If I am startled, I may take a while to compose myself, it is just my body relaxing itself after the sudden intake of a rather unexpected amount of data.
We HSPs do not fare well with criticisms. Please do not criticize me in public, nothing breaks me down more. By all means, do take me to a corner and speak to me gently with regard to your quandary, but do not yell at me or be harsh. I do value our friendship and by you being harsh, it will just break me into a million tiny pieces, of which I may take a very long time to recover. Please do understand that as a HSP, I am very loyal to you as my friend, I am extremely devoted to you and I love you so much. I do try to make our friendship work, but do remember that as a HSP, I have my own limitations, same as you.
We HSPs hardly ever recognize our own self worth. I grew up thinking I was a wee fish in a great big ocean of a world, that I have little to no value, that I am unimportant. To be frank, you have made me feel this way too and it sure did destroy me. However, I do hope you would remind me of the times wherein I made you feel special, wherein I was a source of support in a difficult situation. It sure does me a world of good to be assured that I'm valuable and loved. We HSPs sure do need to be pushed and encouraged to get the best results possible. We tend to lost interest or give up the chase, but with adequate support, you can help us be the best of who we truly are!
We HSPs require a lot of time and absolute focus on achieving a certain goal or completing a task. We also require more rest than non-HSPs. Please do understand that I work very hard to sustain our friendship. Your support, understanding and love is all I ask for. Due to our overly acute sensory perceptions, we are highly creative and resourceful, so much so that at the same time, we may take our own time to complete tasks. The way I work may not agree with your ideals, but please do understand that as a HSP, I look at things in a totally different light to you. Please do feel free to ask me if I need my space or if I need any help. There are times where I would love to work on my own and at times I may appreciate your advice.
We HSPs are extremely tolerant, empathetic and sympathetic. Please do not take me for granted or use me and then throw me on the wayside like roadkill. You may have realized that you had never heard me raise my voice, that is because I find it extremely hurtful to do so. It hurts me, just as it hurts the Bee when it uses his/her stinger, most times killing him/her. You may have seen me getting agitated and depressed after seeing a dog lying dead in the street, you may even pity my sensitivity. However, do remember that I as a HSP regard the Dog as my very own and it pains me so much to see him/her dying on the street in that rather dishonorable manner. I am there for you through thick and thin, I have left my priorities behind to offer you a shoulder to cry on. I have gone whole nights without a single minute of rest to be with you when you were stuck in a rut. This is the beauty of having a HSP as a friend.
Please note that the above are just the preamble of hopefully a lifelong relationship built on those beautiful pillars of love, friendship, loyalty, devotion and care. Please do understand that I shared all this with you because I value our friendship and I want it to work. Friendships are extremely important for us HSPs.
As I was growing, I learned that there was, in fact, nothing at all wrong with me. I am blessed and privileged to be who I am, because I am in a position to be a beacon of light to a world consumed in darkness and misery. However, the journey I had to make, through potholes and thorns, climbing over barbed wires and scraping my knees on that uneven terrain was, in the end worth it, because I have come to appreciate myself for who I am. I love myself! That is the first step to self recovery.
I am glad, nay, overjoyed that there are so many HSP groups and communities popping up in a way that was never the case a few years ago! There are more and more like-minded HSPs coming together for the betterment of our trait, for love and support, for further awareness and most importantly, for acceptance! This is a pressing issue for many fledgling HSPs, especially HSP children who are growing up in environments not conducive for their personal development. I hope to further the cause of all HSPs, especially HSP children, therein lies the future of HSPs.
Writing this was a huge gamble for me, because I was not aware of how you would let this sink in, I still am not. Remember that narrating this was not an easy task for me as a HSP, I did feel vulnerable and exposed, but I also understand and appreciate the fact that this is necessary for our friendship to work. Therefore, I hope you take this in the right vein and appreciate my openness. I hope to hear your thoughts on what I have written and I shall end by saying that I hope our friendship will stand the test of time. I will always be there by your side and I hope you make me feel that I am loved and cared for, even in the event that you disagree with everything that I have said.
With all my love, peace, light and blessings,
Your Sensitive Mate
Note - The above is a partially fictional narrative, taken from my own prior experiences as a HSP. My darling brothers and sisters, I thank you from the deepest chasms of my heart for reading this rather long article, of course this is just a pithy account of what a HSP is, there's definitely a lot more than meets the eye! Please do feel free to contact me for any clarifications and please do add your thoughts in the comments section as well!
I love you all so much and God bless you always!
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